I am actually doing post op right now.

Thursday.

Happy diwali.

Sunny.

Had a pretty tough week previously, been riding several emotional roller coasters actually. These days I am actually busy encouraging one old tata (tata= grandfather in kannada) for post-amputation physiotherapy. [Yea the same tata that I mentioned in the previous post]. Sometimes I get very angry at him when he isnt cooperative during physio sessions, but I keep telling myself to be patient and give lots of positive reinforcement. And now, finally he has started getting down from the bed and tried walking!!! *claps* Seeinf him everyday makes me feel happy and contented, even though I am so frustrated with all other stuff at the same time.

It makes me feel all my stupid work are worthy. All those screaming from seniors are worthy.

Especially when discharged patients come back to the OPD for follow up and they want to talk to you. They want to let you know that they are good, and their "hello doctor how are you?" means soooo much to me.



Yesterday when I went shopping I met a salesman who greeted me with a generous smile. and asked if I could recognise him. I apologised and said no. He then introduced himself and asked if I remember a girl named Bharathi who was admitted a few weeks back in the hospital. I think I came across this name but still couldnt exactly remember whos that. It was actually her daughter who was admitted in Paeds Surgery for VUR repair and that I remember post operatively that poor girl suffered with alot of pain.

But afterwards she improved day by day and she used to give me high five every morning hehe. The salesman said thank you so much for all those times and I was so touched. I was only in Paed Surgery for 5 days! and people remember what I did *wipes tears*

Sometimes I rant so much about how terrible my life is, how insignificant all my works mean, how much oxygen I am wasting in this globe.

But people like this keep me going. They keep me reminded that I imprint on their life. They tell me not to forget why I chose this path at the first place.



And I am writing these stories down so that if one day I really want to give up, I have things to look back and tell me to hold on. 

Scribbling like an artist.

I have a friend who is an artist, and when I say artist I mean she does arts. Those kind where a simple scribble looks so artistic and worth RM300. 

I love her instagram because she always has all these cute drawings with captions which dont match at all. and its usually beyond imagination. I feel this is what we called as talent. 

Just yesterday I was talking to the plastic surgeon about talent. He asked me what am I interested in doing.

Him: So medicine or surgery?
Me: Medicine, Sir. 
Him: BBBADDDDD PHOEBE BBAAAADDD. WHY NOT SURGERY?
Me: I dont know. I think surgery needs talent, and its not something that you can gain from hardwork. It is something you are born with. 
Him: Hmm, I dont know how to respond to that. 

HAHAHAHHA. I love making people speechless. 

He said till the end of his MBBS he has never pictured himself as a surgeon. Most of the time he didnt know what he was doing. This is kinda shocking especially when it comes out from the mouth of such a wise man. I adore him. I adore his sense of humor. I adore his knowledge. Deep inside I am dying to know his life story. If its not because of that damn phone call I think he must have shared alot with me. Damn it. 

This is one of the stories I want to document it down. Because I loveeee having a conversation with wise men. (Its the same as talking to my best friend's dad, a physician who has built his own family hospital from zero). These people are simply amusing.


(leaves space)

And the other one I want to write down is this:

Today as usual I was doing rounds and talking to patients. Theres this old man in post op whom we have performed a below knee amputation yesterday. And as usual I asked how are you. 

He was smiling and looking at me, and he said: What how are you you have chopped off my leg how good can I be. 

He wasn't being rude at all, but my heart sinked a little. 

We take things too lightly, an amputation sounds so common to us. For us an amputation means omg this is so cool we should study and come, and fight for a chance to scrub in. 

We forgot how to think from a patient's point of view. We forgot to think that oh no from now on he is not able to walk. We are all so busy saving lives that we forgot what a leg means. 

Pathetic people. Us.