myTunes.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Discouragement.

You know what, discouragement sucks.

Its now a week prior to the start of my new job, and hopefully a permanent one, I still consistently get negative feedback/discouragement/demotivating quotes from everyone&everywhere.

Seriously, is it so hard to encourage someone?

I am able to understand their frustration and disappointment after finding out that this path is not at all like what they have expected, but if it isn't, do something and make a change! I have read posts saying how you work like a cow and get scolded like a dog, how being a doctor is entirely different from what you might have imagined and etc. And to be honest, I imagined nothing from the beginning.

5 years ago people used to tell me how difficult this path is, how impossible and depressing that it will be, and you will come out feeling stupid for making the dumbest choice that you can ever make in your life. It is not worthy, it is not hopeful. At all.

And there it goes, I have gone through all those and I still want to tell people that yes, it is worth all your sweat and tears. Those sleepless nights, those frustrating patients, those unfinished textbooks, those awful words that are spit on your face, those moments to see life slipping away from your hand. I have been through all these and still I want to say yes, it is worthy. That's medicine. If someone wants to do medicine and he/she is asking me for an opinion, I would still say yes, go for it. Because it changes you. It changes your life.

I am now still floating among discouragement and demotivation. And it sucks to feel like that. It sucks to say yes I know it's demotivating yes I agree with you. But it is more heartbreaking when people think you don't get it, when they think hey dont think so much, you are not gonna make it.

But hey, among those who ranted, who did not complete in the end? No one. Everyone survived through, it is just a matter of perspective, a matter of choice. From which angle you want to look at things from.

Because I can never forget how my patient's heart beats again after it stopped.

Because I can never forget how people say thank you to me.

Because I can never forget how it feels when 1 person out of 10 appreciates your effort.



I chose to remember that one person, and you chose to remember the remaining nine. That's why we are different. 

Monday, September 21, 2015

如果,那就。

如果不是最后一天放弃昂坪的行程,我就不会再次走去铜锣湾。

如果不是在铜锣湾找咖啡店,我就不会误打误撞进了诚品。

如果不是某个人把一本小说随手放在一堆财经书籍之间,我就不会打开来看。

如果我没有打开来看,我就不会看到那篇故事。

那篇原来彩虹兔也是别人的故事的故事。


小说名字叫分手寄卖店,顾名思义是间别人把自己分手后的物品送过去寄卖。门铃响后进来的那个男生带了彩虹兔来寄卖,兔子是之前女生说要的,但是之后送不了给她只好拿来寄卖。原因呢?他们才七岁,全世界不觉得他们知道什么是爱,什么是喜欢。爱似乎变成了大人世界的东西,小孩不能拥有。之前女生想和男生一起去赤柱看海,因为大人都说赤柱很浪漫,他们想知道浪漫是什么。但是之后女生生病了,他们两个不能见面,彩虹兔最后也交不到女生的手中。

后来老板带着彩虹兔到赤柱拍了很多照片,把这些照片都寄到女生的手中。不管最后他们有没有在一起,他们知不知道什么是爱,至少女生知道有一个人曾经因为她说的一句话而努力实现她的愿望,至少男生知道有一个人曾经可以让自己那么努力去让她开心。

故事让我很感动的事有两样:我很喜欢彩虹兔,我也很爱赤柱这个地方。所以看到他拍的那些照片时整个头皮发麻。自己也很幸运地有一只彩虹兔,就是因为知道自己很幸福,所以才拼命地去珍惜。


是要多在乎一个人,才会记得那些他/她说过的话?


Tuesday, September 8, 2015

When you open your eyes and feel thankful.

好久都没写些开心的事了,似乎自己的世界总是灰暗的但是其实不是,我只是习惯把快乐藏起来,尽量让自己归于平淡-因为这样子的话就算有一天闪电打雷,也劈中不了我的心。

平淡得觉得自己老了。当大家都在很忙碌很紧张地想着隔天的hospital placement 时,我却很轻松地躺在床上和朋友一起唱歌大笑。当大家的眼睛猛盯着电脑拼命刷新时,我却很从容地一只手拿着电话一只手在吃早餐。是我不在乎吗?我不知道。只知道就算最后结果不如我所想的,我还是会觉得是上天帮我开的另一扇门,我要感激祂。

老了,得失心没那么重了。
老了,开始珍惜很多的小事。
老了,不想再让伤心影响自己太久。

其实开始不了解身边的人了,为什么要为一件小事伤心那么久,为什么得不到自己要的医院还会放声大哭?是自己把自己磨练得太坚强了,还是其实是身边一直以来都没人让我不坚强?



其实,开心就是每天细数一下上天送来了多少个天使在你身边。