Here again!

I am having a test tmrow but my mind is blown somewhere else by something strange to me. I need somebody to talk to. Let me see their face by skyping or msn or whatever. But the person I was waiting for few hours didnt appear. And the next person whom I hope to see her cute face turned me down. :(

Basically too many things happened around me these days, which make me feel that this year is REALLY undoubtedly unlucky for me(I mean Chinese calendar). Mum said she went to the temple to da-siu-yan aka pukul orang kecil for me already but still the world doesnt seem to treat me a little bit better. I offended people, became more lazy, wasted so much time to go online and fb-ing, sleeping so much, met with people whom I think they are there for my money and etc etc. Sigh.

Was browsing through a few friends' blogs and they mentioned about food! Haizz I miss Malaysia's food. And someone promised to bring me for steak at some hill LAST YEAR but didn't accomplish. And me being such a bad friend reminds her everytime I get to talk to her. Wei I am missing you Lee Pui Shan :((

And Nikki our Pavilion shopping spreeee.

And YYS our laugh-till-you-drop session.

And Shanx our secret-sharing phone calls.

And CC you said we should at least meet once before I go overseas, but till now I haven seen you in real person before.

And Eldrick our talking-on-phone session which each time ended so fast because credit finished dee.

And Chanhui I miss skyping and talking nonsense with you.

I am so desperately needing a break :(
P/S: It is not easy to be a good person. Everything you do for yourself might be seen as an act of self-centered. Everything you do to protect yourself is known as an useless excuse to defend what mistake you have done.

Haizz being a human being is so troublesome. Perhaps if I am to choose what to become for my next life, I think I will choose to be a cow in India-who just dont have to care about what others think.

有种朋友，喜欢却不动情

有一些男生，很令我动心，但不动情， 怎么说呢？ 因为他们给我的感觉像朋友，真正的朋友。

我可以和他们很坦诚的谈论彼此的爱情观、婚姻观, 以及种种的人生问题。在他们面前， 我会忘记自己是女生，就不会撒娇、嫉妒、耍心眼， 我和他们各站在天平的两端。

我们可以一同看电影、郊游回来， 在车站挥挥手，各自去等自己的车，走自己的路。 这种感觉好极了！ 我觉得自己很有尊严，人的尊严。 信不信？

跟这些男生相处在一起,甚至比跟同类的女生相处来的愉快
。 女生的聚会，是黏稠稠的，像一锅浓粥，温暖在胸，但是吃
多了会撑，一眨眼又饿，而且很多女生都为情所困，谈来谈
去总是心有千千结，别人管也管不完。

跟这些男生相处，就像一同温一壶月光的酒！是给彼此的心
灵加养料，让彼此潜在的才能发酵，挥发灵魂的芳香。真的
，这些男生所散发出来的生命活力，深深感动着我。
我很惊讶，他们不必从文字、故事的迷林披荆斩棘，就能一
眼洞穿人生的奥秘，甚至开始为旁边的同行者掌灯。就能一
眼洞穿人生的奥秘，甚至开始为旁边的同行者掌灯。能结交
有智能、理想与热情的朋友，是人一生莫大的幸福吧

我是这样着迷于他们高贵的气质， 也感谢他们把我当「朋友」看待，不因为我是女生，就随便
说些甜言蜜语来哄我，或者根本不睬我

如果，追求人生的伴侣也必须如此相知相惜，那我实在「舍
不得」把这些男生当成男朋友。我害怕一旦变成男女朋友，
我就会计较他不送我回家、他不说些好听的动心话，他宁可
送我「尼采与上帝」也不送一朵小花…… 我还担心从此他只要我乖乖的陪在一旁，微笑地看他在众人
间侃侃而谈；我发问的机会都没有，遑论有所质疑。

似乎两人之间只要渗入感情元素，气氛就不一样了。比如去
看一场好电影，有几对情侣在互相依偎陶醉之余, 还能正襟危坐的讨论那场电影的成就？ 在无声胜有声的时刻，那实在太无趣了。
何况，男女朋友总会呕气，甚至最后各奔前程，这就更无趣
了. 爱情消逝，友情也跟着淡漠。说什么「我们仍然是好朋友」
，都是鬼话 就算这不是一厢情愿找台阶下，而是双方共同的心愿，这心
愿也太残忍一点，何苦把自己逼到那么窘迫的境地！

分手而后重逢,能说些什么呢？「纵使相逢应不识」 尤其是当对方的身边又多个人的时候。 对这些男生,我的确是心动而不敢、不忍动情。唯恐不小心
逾越分际,徒惹一身烦恼。

当然，偶而会有那么几剎那，会情不自禁、悄悄地流露爱慕
之意， 他感觉到了,我也感觉到了, 但是握手的瞬间也只是轻微的感觉，当我们抬头再看看澄澈
的天空， 以及对望彼此无私的眼眸

我们知道︰有些东西会比爱情恒久，更值得我们追求。这种
默契，是属于男女私情之外的，我如此相信。 男朋友或是丈夫，都是另一个封闭而完整的圆，对我这个圆
来说，可能是相交、相切或重叠，甚至根本在另一个空间，
八竿子也打不着的。无论如何，我在他面前，还是要保持一
个圆的形状，把自己扎成一个花球，随着爱情的频率跳动。

这种默契，是属于男女私情之外的，我如此相信。 可是在这些男生、这些朋友面前，我却可以松开五花大绑，
成为一条无限延长的直线，因为不用费心去画一个圆，或是
费心去和另一条直线相交叉， 我们只是各自奔跑，志同道合就彼此吸引， 成为两条，甚至一组平行直线，也许不属于同一个平面， 但是彼此知道、看得见、互相扶持、互相敬重。 我期求这样的友情，这样的男生令我动心而不动情。

Hmm.

Day: Great Friday because the afternoon class was suspended, meaning I dont have to attend Amphibian Lab this week. Hate it the most.

Mood: Good because am bloated with food from Olio Buffet. Love having food in my stomach =)

And am having a kinda mixed feeling which I feel like telling somebody but I dont know who and how to tell. It is a story of a person who is really very close to me, but I just dont know how to express what I think. Is it actually worthy to give up on a friendship if the Mr Right comes into your life? And is it worthy to re-consider and re-evaluate this person if your friends are kinda disagree with you being together with him?

Basically I dont know how to judge this thing because I have heard it from a friend, not you yourself. What I got is actually her stand, obviously not yours. But from what I know and what I can judge, maybe you are a little too blinded by love. I know she is being a bit emotional, but whatever belonged to 2 person remain theirs forever. No matter it is an object, a story, a joke or what. I will think like this because I simply understand what she means by "I dont like when people become a third party of our story". Yea kinda emotional but when you think again, it is true.

I can feel that this friendship gets more fragile since the day he appears. Is he really that important?He changed you. Maybe you are in a position that you cant see it but others still do. I am writing about this because I dont want to see another friendship broken by relationship. Yea I am pretty clear that I am not in a position to write and comment bout this. And I dont hope to get involved in this as well.

Hope you dont think that she is misleading me. She is not.

PISSED.

I GOT SO DAMN PISSED IN THAT FELLA'S CLASS.

WHAT A PERVERT.

YOU PERVERRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT I HATE YOU AND YOUR CLASS AND YOUR BELLY WHICH BLOCKED MY VISION TO SEE THE SLIDES OBVIOUSLY NOT PREPARED BY YOU.

So please dont block me with your big fat tummy that protudes out of you gigantic figure anymore.

FOR YOU WFT.

Congratulations and celebration bla bla bla I dunno how to continue the song already. Anyway I big big big congrats and a great great great hug for you =) You've done an excellent job for securing such results in SPM!

*Run to you and hug and kiss your round-like-moon cheek*

It isnt bad at all ok. Please be grateful of what you have gotten. It is an excellent results, and frankly speaking if they changed the grading system in my year I definitely wont be at where I am now. A+ is such an unachievable thing for normal people okay. Maybe my results will come out with 2A+,10A and 1A- (A+ being Math and AddMath hoho). That's even more embarrassing T.T

I really wanna assure you again that it is great!!!!!!!Dont be unsatisfied okay?I know you have done your best and you really deserve this seeing all the effort you have poured in. SPM is just a relay station of life, it determines which path you are going to take, but it definitely doesnt play a role in making you what you are eventually.

Love you lotss!Belanja you Rakuzen when I am back(craving for sushi sobss)-so now hutang dulu.

And I wanna see your result slip. Email to my inbox!

Dear friend.

Dear,

Dont be sad over what happened okay. If anything happened u just haf to call my num/text me and ask me to online. I will skype/chat/do whatever things with you ya.

I know there isnt much I can do, but at least I can still be your listener.

Please dont feel disgusted by them. I believe that they do it with a reason, and having family members like them are just fated to be. Dont hate them okay they will soon come to know how wrong they were.

Although we didnt know each other for long, we spent so much precious moments together-and that makes you a truly special friend of mine. And I want you to know that you mean alot to me. Love you much.

P/S: Applicable to everyone as well. I am always available for people who need me :)

寻找。

有时候还是用自己的语言比较善于表达。

很久都没像今天那么难过了，虽然是一桩很小的事，但它让我了解了很多。

成绩差已经是一个很大的打击了，我想也没想过会拿到这么差的成绩。上一次这么差应该是高中时的physics吧！那时候全校都没人pass，第一次觉得很伤心，但后来反而习惯了-因为过后的两次都还是没人pass。很明显是老师的问题，出了一大堆人家不会做的。现在情况回到了跟以前一样，一模一样，总之是整个batch都考得不好。

刚开始拿到考卷的时候是责备自己的成份比较多，过后他们开始说是老师的问题，自我安慰吧！我刚开始还蛮相信他们的，但过了一下我就觉得不应该怪老师。自己的成绩是自己的责任，在怪自己之前根本就没资格怪人家，现在有人把枪指着你的额头叫你考这种烂成绩吗？没有。

所以我开始讨厌自己了。

心里很难过，特别是别人来问分数还有老师问为什么考这样的时候，用沉默来回答都多余了。不发生都发生了，不考都考了，还能怎样？对自己不只是失望那么简单，有一种消失了很久的感觉-挫折感吧。我考了一个没读书的分数，真的很难让自己接受，别说自己，每个人都说怎么可能。然后我才发现到一直以来大家都很看好我，我一直生活在这种无形的压力里，很酸，很苦。

每个人说的话都带刺，有个朋友说溜嘴了-好糟糕哦，你怎么会考这样！当下真的真的很想哭，但我发现自己控制泪水的能力又进步了，这次只有泪水在眼眶打滚，没掉下来，厉害吧！:)

对自己彻底地失望，我付出了比上次更多的努力，但换回来只有大家对我那种异样的眼光。我真的开始怀疑自己为什么会在这里，感觉上之前那种热忱已经完全消失了，可能我开始觉得累了，开始讨厌被比较，被期待，被看好。

希望明天是全新的一天，我会学习期待的。

我只想做好自己，为什么结果会是那样呢?

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to Nawwar!You are officially 20 now. (So old sigh T.T) HAHAHAHA..Hope you had alot of fun yesterday and today!

And hope you like the cute camel we chose for you. PLEASE CHANGE HIS/HER NAME OK. Dia Indian bukan Russian.

And for your information these were in our considerations too:


This very scary black thing with his pisang yang berlambak. We actually planned to put it in ur wardrobe until you finally discovered it. But Husni said if we do it then everyone will try their level best to hide their birthdays from us now onwards. LOL.


Dan ini juga sangat cute! Macam kembar Husni kan?

Hehehehe it is so glad to have you in this horrible India and JSSMC. We shall work harder to copy notes in Mam naik bas aka mam tak ada leher's class. And prevent ourselves from sleeping in Shamsunder's class.

Thanks for being here =)


____________________________________________________________________

And happy belated birthday to dear Eldrick. The one and only picture we took in Inti coincidentally was still with you =) Hope you had a blast and felt happy that I called you all the way from India! No matter how far we are apart, you will still be a part of my heart. It isn't easy to be friends for 12 years. Hope more 12years are coming for us! Friends forever :)